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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Don't Visit My Church pt. 2

We never get a second chance to make a first impression. I want to share some more ways to ensure guests have a horrible experience at our churches.

6. Be sure to start the services late. Who really cares that the service was supposed to start at 10AM but begins at 10:17AM? Guests really do love to sit in an auditorium wondering what's going on and when is it going to start.

7. Make the guests stand up and introduce themselves during the service. When I visit a church, that's my favorite thing to do. :)

8. Make sure you don't have any children's ministry. After all, a five-year-old kid enjoys listening to a sermon on "Reasons Why Jesus Will Return By 2010 Because These Are The Last Days And The Mark Of The Beast Is On It's Way And Somebody Just Spotted The Anti-Christ."

9. Let praise and worship go for an hour and a half and then be sure to preach for two hours.

10. It's very important that you spend 45 minutes taking up the offering. Be sure to use gimmicks and manipulate people into giving.